Soup, there it is! Soup, there it is!

I'm all about soup these days. Sexy, huh?

For realsies. I can't get enough. While I generally believe eggs to be the perfect meal (what can't you do with them? Seriously? Try and argue differently and I'll be the first to call you dumb...), it would seem a weekend can't end these days without a giant pot of soup on my stove. Today was no exception. Although I worked yesterday (blarg), after farting around with Mama for most of the day I squeezed out a pot of BBB--beef, barley, bean. Yummers. In an hour I have 10 substantial meals, frozen, and ready to be reheated for lunch. No messy tuna to make, or turkey to sniff and wonder about the expiry date. Just bean-y goodness. IN A BAG!

Yes, that's right. I bag my soup.

A lady I work with, Lorna, taught me to freeze my soup in Ziplocks. Genius. Why my pea brain hadn't thought of this before, I'm not sure, but it really is the best way to carry out business. First, it takes up less space (in my already wee freezer) and second, it makes the defrosting process a lot simpler because you can squeeze it out of the bag and you're not stuck with a giant Tupperware soup lump that takes 10 minutes to heat. Bagged soup is the perfect individually sized meal.

My tips: let the soup completely cool and then put about three scoops in a medium sized Ziplock. Set your bag aside (I usually stand them in the sink).

When everything's been scooped, take one, lay it flat, and squeeze out the air. Wipe away spills from the zipper area, and stack one on top of the other.

The bags will sit nicely in the freezer, and when they're frozen you can stand 'em upright so they take up even less space, squeezing into all your freezer nooks and crannies (in between your salmon, mini pops, cookie dough, and frozen pizza... *blush*)

Forgive if this post is boring. I'm just a giant geek and easily excited by soup stacks.

p.s. What the stink? Was I'm On A Boat seriously nominated for a Grammy?! Don't get me wrong, even thinking about it makes me laugh my butters off. But really? Even I can smell the organization's desperation to reach a new demographic.

Oh yes it's lady's night...

Orange has absconded to Revelstoke for the weekend, which is perfectly timed for the upcoming high school lady's night (by which I mean the night my high school buds--Fingers, Free Samples, and Poomobile--descend on Casa de Bert for dinner, drinks, games, and shootin' the sh*t.)

I love these ladies, and I'm lucky to have them. We're talking a group of girls I've known for 15 years, if not more (dearest Fingers and I are working on 25...) They know all of my annoying habits, swallow my horrible jokes, humor my sarcasm, hold their tongues when an outfit really does make me look fat (or at least find a semi-respectable way of saying it's gross), and have held my hand more times that I can count. On the flip side, I think I've seen each of them at their best and their worst, not the least of which was the night we played drunken Old Maid wearing Poo's mother's muumuus.

Who knew we'd still be pulling the same shenanigans we started in grade 10 with post school formal sleep over parties? Certainly not me. Especially considering Free Samples used to refer to me as the Manatee.

Tomorrow will be no different than it was in 1996, with the exception of the fact we'll all be able to purchase our own beer, most of us will go home to our own beds, Poo is now married and thus ineligible for the randoms in my building (unless she's inclined to pash cats), Free Samples will be wearing heels (regardless of the rest of us in sweats and hoodies), and Fingers will artfully arrange a veggie platter. Mind you, she'll also bring a pack of nudie eighties ladies cards, but some things will never change.

*wink*

So flippin' cool!

So I'm in the middle of creating a presentation for one of the school board PD days. The presentation is on the importance of incorporating social media into the classroom, and specifically what photo apps are available to teachers and how they can be incorporated into school work plans.

Naturally, through researching the presentation I've come across some seriously cool things, not the least of which is Animoto, a semi-free photo presentation software that combines your photos with their stock copyright free music and arrangement abilities. It's super easy, and honestly, in less than 5 minutes I created this:

Note: while I know this is the second Lil' C post in a week, I've got a boat load of his pictures on my computer which made creating a presentation super easy. Not to mention his squeezy cheeks. Muchas appologies to those non-baby lovers out there.

Three completely unrelated thoughts:

1. I made Fingers some round, pink Jello Jigglers in honour of her pink eye, but I couldn't figure out how to get the Jello out of the container without ruining said Jiggler shape. It was a big ole fat mess. I must be the only person on the planet who can't figure out how to work Jello.

2. I heard an interesting statistic on my new favorite radio station, 95.3: 12% of Canadians have 'made love' with Hockey Night in Canada playing in the background.

3. Snookie, from Jersey Shore (don't judge me) is the female equivalent of Danny Devito.

Me and my buddy

'Twas a good weekend. Saturday night Lil' C, Mama LL, and I hung out. We climbed the stairs multiple times (and shuffled back down them), played, put circles in the circle holes and stars in the star holes, danced to Raffi, pretended the remote control was a telephone and made important phone calls to Stella (the dog) and daddy, and finished off the evening with some milk, stories, and a snuggle.

In the morning we cuddled some, ate some banana, shook our booty's to Sean Paul, and worked more on the circles in the circle holes and stars in the star holes.

Probs the best Saturday I've had in... mmm... *scratches head*... a long time. Thanks buddy. You were just what we needed.

From Connor

Things I think I can safely say I will never have:

1. An afro
2. A doberman pincher
3. Braces
4. A lowered car
5. A child named "Lamar"
   
6. A beauty pageant title
7. A Juicy Couture tracksuit
8. Six toes on one foot
9. Spam or Klick in my fridge
   
10. Implants
11. A knack for math
12. CBC as a programed radio station
13. A taste for short stories
14. A subscription to Sport Fishing magazine
15. Thigh-high boots

But don't quote me...

Energy spent being negative is a greedy waste.

I rolled in from my work dinner around 9:00 tonight still wearing some pretty serious grumpy pants (complete with horrible underwear lines.) I'm determined to make tomorrow better. So I changed the bedding and sprayed my Bath and Body Works pillow mist, put on my super attractive over-sized flannel pajamas, made peppermint tea, and settled into watch Diamond and Troy (who have been living in an RV for the last year and a half) purchase a $450,000 home with a power line in the backyard. Qu'est-ce que f-bomb? Bless them. They were happy.

It's truly ridiculous how a series of small yet nasty events (a bumped elbow, a dropped toothbrush, and a tablespoon of scalding coffee) ruined 15 completely unrelated hours of my life, non? That is to say I let these events ruin 15 hours. In retrospect, I don't think grumpy is really worth the effort. All things currently considered, and me warm and cozy in my flannels and peppermint. Tomorrow I launch my hastily organized charity soup sale for work, with the hopes of raising something... anything for the Red Cross.

Ugh.

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. I bumped my elbow on the sink, dropped my toothbrush, and burnt my tongue on coffee. I'm out of groceries, out of Kleenex, out of money, out of patience, and I couldn't find an elastic for my hair. My apartment is dirty, my clothes are dirty, my linens need to be washed, and I can barely see out the windows of my car it's so grimy.

I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm bloated, and I'm due at a mandatory work function tonight. I have a million things to do, and I don't want to do any of them. And the pièce de résistance? The underwear lines I'm sporting, only noticed while in the staff bathroom trying to cover up what I think is becoming a bald patch on the back of my head.

In the words of Alexander, it's going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

*snicker*

Have you heard about THIS?

*giggle*

I'm such a child...

Resolution drop-out

It's only January and I already feel like I'm failing with my New Year's resolutions.

Flossing is... a crap shoot. I've barely seen Fingers, and her new loft is wooing her more so than a trip to the Westfield Heritage Museum (rightly so...) I called to cancel cable (but keep the internet) and got sweet talked into keeping both for a reduced price (mind you it was seriously reduced, but still... where were my balls?) and then I got my car insurance renewal slip in the mail yesterday only to find my rate is actually supposed to GO UP by $30 a month. W. T. F. Seriously. I've had Lil' Y for three years now and each year the price of driving him has gone up. Is this normal? There have been no tickets or accidents or illegal firearms...?

Ehn.

That said, I'm minding my p's and q's at work and keeping my comments to myself. I'm running three times a week regardless of the poor Kleenex to snot ratio. And I feel good I at least made the call to Cogeco... The fact they pulled a Godfather and offered me a deal I couldn't refuse is beside the point. With the measures they've gone to in phone stalking me to answer their customer service questionairre, I wouldn't put a horse head in the bed past the Cogeco salespeople.

"'Cause Saturday night's the night I like...

Saturday night's alright, alright, alright!"

As a stupid fun Christmas present, Beef took me to Toronto for a Saturday evening, all expenses paid including shopping, tickets to Second City, and a swank room at the Hyatt. Can everyone say "heck yes"?! Since Lil' C has come on the scene, our time together is generally absorbed with "look at the baby, look at the baby" so setting aside 24 hours for me and she is a sweet treat. Heck yes!

We got in around 2:30 and went straight to Toronto's shopping mecca: Loblaws. 100% classy. We rode the conveyor belt escalator, bought a carton of wine, stocked up on treats for the hotel room, and cleaned out Joe Fresh. I seriously heart Joe Fresh.

After spending our hard earned--yet reasonable budgeted--dollars (thank you, Galen) Beef decided it best to use the GPS to navigate us to the hotel. Not being city girls, heaven forbid we get lost.

*ahem*

Two left turns later, we arrived. Needless to say, the entire technological experience was a bit anti-climactic for dearest Beef. So we parked illegally and made up for it by using the self-check machines, only to be later shamed by the concierge scared of losing his job to a machine.

Up to the 15th floor! The room was beautiful. And we made ourselves super cozy by cracking open our tub of wine and relaxing into a bit of MTV's Teen Mom. More classy. Both Beef and I have our hearts set on Spring Rolls for dinner--I've already decided what I'm going to have, and she hasn't stopped thinking about it since she was there last nearly three years ago. Being Beef, she's already mapped the walking route to the closest location so after a quick change into our new Joe Fresh diggs we're off.

20 minutes later after walking up, down, up, down, up, down Queen street and checking in with an Asian convenience store/flower shop/pet store, we're unable to find Spring Rolls. So we give up and do sushi. We order Sapporo's to start. I get mine... I get mine... I get mine... But no one will bring dearest Beef a beer. Poor Beef. After asking three times, someone finally delivers a bottle only to find our bill charged with all off the mystery Sapporo's never fully delivered. Bizarro-ville. And of course, as soon as we leave Queen Sushi we're smacked in the face with Spring Rolls not two blocks away. Ehn!

Second City was ridiculous funny, and thanks to Beef's sister in law who works at the theater we had some sweet seats. We sipped our jug of Killer Lemonade and laughed so hard our faces hurt. Seriously. We asked the people sitting next to us to snap a picture... Camera's must be foreign to those in North Bay because this was the best shot our neighbor could get. I look hammered. I'm not. Really...

While the options were unlimited post-comedy show, we were more interested in hitting up our fancy room than glow-sticking our way around the club scene, and what more do you need than boxed wine and Ruffles? So we marched across to the hotel and slipped into something more comfortable. Read: sweatpants.

After a couple of hours of (super classy) trashy Real Housewives and ease-dropping on the party guests getting jacked up next door for a night on the town, Beef fell asleep on me mid-conversation. Classic Beef. By this time the Killer Lemonade has set in on me, though, and the sugar has gone straight to my brain. My sleep problem rears it's ugly head again and there's no way I'm falling asleep anytime soon. So I lay there. Waiting. For the sweet tang of sleep.

1:00...
2:00...
2:30...
2:45... zzzz...

BRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!

Fire alarm! Some dink in the parking garage thinks it'll be super funny to pull the alarm and watch a full night of guests clamor down the stairs in their PJs. Still awake, this isn't a problem for me. But poor Beef is seriously confused by the entire situation and being a teacher, super angry when most guests refuse to leave the hotel lobby:

We're following the rules! We're waiting outside! There are 6 fire trucks outside and the entire parking garage could be up in flames! Why aren't these people evacuating?!

A strongly worded letter to the hotel management is on it's way for not only the Hyatt's poor evacuation procedures, but the fact that only two elevators were working meaning at 3:00 am nearly 200 cranky party-goers (and two crankier sisters) were pushing and shoving their way onto the lifts trying desperately to get back into their luxury beds. Dearest Beef.

By 5:00 am I'm finally able to fall asleep, only to be back up and wide eyed by 9:00. So I high-tale it to the hotel gym--the GYM--and run my energy away. Beef thinks I'm crazy and hairy eye-balls my running shoes while she sips her coffee from the comfort of her duvet (like any normal person on a Sunday morning.)

When I get back from the coolest treadmill (over looking the Toronto skyline from the 19th floor) we spend another hour or so lounging around our suite, hitting up Starbucks and MEC before saying sayonara to the big T.O.

Oh how the other baby-free, independently wealthy, big city half live. Good times, Beef. Totally fun. Seriously wouldn't have traded any of it. Looking forward to next year's gong show.

Dear Much Music, 99.9, 104.5, 103.5, 92.5, 93.5, 102.9, 105.7, 106.1, and 102.1:

Please take the following songs off your play list tout suite before I punch-a-size your face for free:

1. Fireflies, by Owl City
2. Bad Romance, by Lady Gaga
3. Empire State of Mind, Jay Z
4. One Less Lonely Girl, Justin Bieber
5. Ice, Lights
6. Anything by The Stereos. Full stop.
7. Anything by Drake. Full stop.
8. Anything by Jason Derulo. FULL STOP.
9. Good Girls Go Bad, Cobra Starship. Ugh... Now I have it stuck in my head...
   
10. Cha Ching, by Hedley

Danke schön.

Sesame Street is on drugs.

"Near... Far... Near... Far..."

"Telephone... Brrrrrrring... Brrrrrring... Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup..."

"Just a teeny super little guy!"

What do all of these jazzy tunes have in common? You've got it! Sesame Street. Like any normal child raised in the 1980s I spent a good portion of my non-school hours glued to the shenanigans of Big Bird and his misfit crew of muppets and multicultural humans (R.I.P. Mr. Hooper). While some may say too much television for children is a bad thing, this soapbox can't possible encompass Sesame Street, what with the espanol and mathematical components (*jazzy beat* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, tweeeeeeeeeeelve!) Give me one good reason why children shouldn't be raised by Sesame Street and I'll tell you why you're dumb.

Thanks to the wonders of streamed media, many of my favorite Sesame Street clips are now available online (including Captain Vegetable and Here is Your Life with host, Guy Smiley), all of which in retrospect are disturbingly trippy. But none can compete with the two-minute journey into the surprisingly psychedelic world of crayon manufacturing. Is there anything better than a box of 64 with a sharpener in the back?

For those of you not fortunate enough to have sucked the proverbial boob tube, you missed the opportunity for a daily mindf*ck (pardon my French, Aunt Margie!) Fingers, if you're wearing your new Hat Street toque, take it off, because you're about to have your mind blown:



Adding to the trip... Where is that child's lips?

Three completely separate thoughts:

1. Every morning on my drive to work I pass a woman in a mini van picking up what I assume to be the laziest child known to man. The house she stops at is on the left hand side and rather than pulling off to the right (the legal and safe thing to do) Van Lady pulls up onto the left curb blocking the entire road while she waits for the Lump to lop his way down the stairs. I'm ALWAYS stuck behind her, and once he's inside she ALWAYS immediately yanks across the road without looking.

Today I decided not to wait for him to ooze out the front door, only to find that, whilst swerving to avoid the oncoming traffic, her giant van butt is not only annoying and inconvenient, but one massive blind spot. Aces.

2. The heir to the Johnson and Johnson fortune, Casey Johnson, died on Monday night. This is sad and senseless indeed. But what I don't understand is how her loved one's immediately responded to the news. On Twitter.

"Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson. She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w family."

"This is a very heartbreaking time for me. I just want some privacy as I deal with the loss of my Fiance Casey Johnson. I'm heart is shredded."

"I just got news that my fiance is not dead but currently in a coma!!! Omg please pray that she will make it! Hang in there my love please!!!"

"I'm still in shock! Once again thank U for the outpour of love and support. I just wish to have some privacy at this heartbreaking time."

"I can't stop these haunting visions of her and I. We made such a lovely couple, only beginning to spend the rest of our lives together..."

All of these posts come withing an hour of each other. So it would seem the year 2010 brings with it a new definition of privacy. Go away Twitter. And take omelets, Michael Buble, jeans without back pockets, and people who cut their toenails in front of others with you.

3. I'm back watching Kath and Kim on DVD, courtesy of my Irish-Australian buddy, Becca. Thank Shiloh for Kathy and Kim. While some of you may not appreciate the humor, this sh*t makes my life:

Goodies from New Years!

Whisky sours, big fat fires, drinking Jenga, and obsessive puzzling. Can you tell in which shot Orange is sick of both me and my camera?

New Years 2009 (err... 2010..?)

Ahh, resolutions. Call me 30, but new years is becoming less and less about the P-A-R-T-Y and more and more about good friends, good food, and good resolutions. Especially considering how many different ways I've spent the big night: sleeping on Cheryl whats-her-face from high school's cement basement floor trying desperately to drown out the choking sounds of Cypris Hill raging in the room next door; rockin' out in a Best Western hotel room in Canmore, Alberta playing hearts, drinking Pil; dead sober (and slightly hung over) in a Cuban discotheque with Dark Horse and Susie and a rag tag pile of tourists and questionable Cuban ladies who may or may not have been prostitutes.

Needless to say, snow pants, prime rib, and Bud Lite Lime at BSB's cottage was a welcome reprieve (even with the indepth conversation about merkins...) The hour and a half spent alone in the sauna the day of gave me lots of time to think about the year and what I'm hoping for 2010.

So *claps hands together* let's look at last year's resolutions:

1. Floss. Not so much. Although Orange introduced me to the wonders of the Dento-Stick, I'm still dentally challenged. This item will remain a priority for 2010 and I'm hopefully my Carlsburg years will bring dental maturity.

2. Get myself more financially stable, i.e. actually pay attention to my student loan statements and stop using the bank machines that charge me $1.75 to withdraw cash. This actually happened, including the closing off of one student loan, the consolidation of another, and the switch to a rewards Visa . Can we say "three cheers for dividends"? While the occasional convenience store cash withdrawal does still occur, I'm more partial to the cash-back scenario.

3. Be a positive person. Sometimes I feel weighed down by my negativity, and it's an icky feeling. Still a problem, but in light of the events of the past four months I'm not going to psycho analyzing where my Debby Downer tendencies originate. Much like flossing, I'm still a work in progress.

4. Do the Guelph Try-a-Tri. Negative, good buddy. But I did (barely) complete the Paris to Ancaster bike race which I consider ample substitute.

5. Pop my RRSP cherry. Check!

6. Be greener. Hmm... Well, I hosted two pot-luck lunches at work, carry a bagless-lunch (*snicker "bagless" snicker*), cut out plastic bags, and continue to aim for optimal mileage in Lil' Y but I'm sure there's still more I could be doing. I wish we could green-bin in apartment buildings but it's still not an option. I guess I could get a worm farm and home compost...? But let's be realistic... That's a bit... Ew.

7. Push myself to do something I otherwise would not do. Well, Paris to Ancaster, captain-ing an Ultimate Frisbee Team, Dodgeball, and flying to Florida for a weekend are good starts. Running the Around the Bay, the Ottawa Half, taking ukulele lessons, and crossing the Paris to Ancaster finish line in under 4 hours (*fingers crossed*) are all 2010 possibilities.

8. Volunteer more. Still working as a Youth Mentor, but I'd say my Christmas charity project with the girls counts in this category.

9. Broaden my musical interests. Ehn. Not much, unless you count Dispatch, K'naan, and Matisyahu (thank you, Orange). I'm trying, though.

Not a total disappointment, and truthfully better than I thought I might do. Let's hope 2010 is a better year:

1. Floss.
2. Be a (more) positive person. Specifically at work.
3. Learn a new skill.
4. Finish my annual Bronte 10km race in 50 minutes or less.
5. Get a better deal on car insurance. God, I'm old...
6. Shock someone with a decision.
7. Give more.
8. Lose the muffin top.
9. Develop a green thumb.
10. Complete at least half of my birthday activities with Fingers.
11. Cancel my cable. Pray Shiloh I can convince myself to actually follow through.

Anyone else?